January 15, 2010

HALL OF SHAME: Worst Movies of 2009


Since my attempts at sleep have proven unsuccessful, I’ve decided to write up a list of my favorite films of the year. In the process, I would also get to shock Pardesi by writing something so that was a side benefit.

To my amazement (okay, NOT), I had an incredibly difficult time coming up with movies I loved this year but no problem at all making a list of all I hated. In fact, I hated so many I had to take some off the list because it was getting bloated!

Please don’t throw tomatoes at me if I’ve left out any more films that deserve to be here in their rightful place. It’s probably only because I was smart enough not to watch them.

The Ugly Truth – What to say about this piece of excrement. It lives up to it’s title of being ugly. Hollywood has reached such a state of cynicism that it cannot produce even a half-decent romantic comedy. This movie is hideously boring and unfunny. Katherine Heigl actually makes you crave for the days of a perky Meg Ryan and that’s saying something.

Kurbaan- Terrorists portrayed as anti-heros, lectures given about America’s treatment of Muslims, Kiron Kher sporting a strange accent, Saif Ali Khan at his blandest…. the list is endless. This is a terrorism tale set in a Dharma world of picturesque locations, beautifully framed sex scenes, and almost zero logic. If there is anything to salvage, it is the incandescent Kareena Kapoor.

The Invention of Lying – Ricky Gervais tries to make a movie and flops. The idea is an interesting one. In a world where nobody knows the meaning of lying, one man finally invents and discovers how to use lies. Unfortunately, the premise is the only winning thing about this booooooooring snoozefest.

All Akshay Kumar movies: Blue, De Dhana Dhan, Chandni Chowk to China, Kambakt Ishq, Tasveer--- I thought it would be unfair to fill half the list with all Akki Kumar movies so I combined them together in one sordid category designed just for him. There is nothing more to say. Even gracing them with more words would be giving them more attention than they deserve.

2012 – Roland Emmerich, I beg you, please stop. When you blew up the White House in Independence Day, it was AWESOME. When you tried to destroy the world in Day after Tomorrow, it was still fun though pushing it. Now you have crossed the line of decency and bad entertainment. I felt like I was watching the same thing again and again; only the name of the cities was changing. Bridges collapsing, waves crashing, noise and destruction, again and again, over and over. At that point, I was more ready to die in an apocalypse myself than finish watching your movie.

It’s Complicated – Meryl Streep said in an interview once that unlike great actresses of the past, she has no great movies to her name. She proved herself right once again. I will not provide the embarrassing story of why I even watched this movie but please avoid if you can. This is a DISASTER of epic proportion. A love triangle between old people could have been innovative but it’s sheer torture. Maybe if you’re a white woman over the age of 75 and living in a nursing home, you will enjoy this “comedy.”

Dil Bole Hadippa – YRF continues along their path of mediocrity and stupidity. A 3 foot tall Rani Mukerjee tries to play a boy (in what looked to be like full make-up) in a turban and beard and fools everyone to play cricket. Even her voice is the same as always. What they were thinking, who knows. Why they would try to remake She’s the Man is a mystery for the ages. Before any smart aleck tries to get fresh with me, I’m aware that that movie was also loosely based on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. No matter. It was still BAD, yes, BAD, in caps.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past- Matthew Mcconaughey. Nuff Said. As soon as you know he’s in a movie, you know a major stinker is coming your way. I would call him the Akshay Kumar of Hollywood but then that label is already reserved for Adam Sandler.

Bruno – Obnoxiousness and outrageousness in itself is not funny. Sasha Barn Cohen attempts another Borat but fails spectacularly. There is only one funny scene in this movie about a gay model. It’s the talk show segment modeled on Jerry Springer where the main character brings an adopted black baby to show off. I wish I had seen that on youtube and spared myself a headache.

Dishonorable Mention: Billu – Granted, Billu can’t exactly be called a bad movie. I included it in because it’s so much worse than it could have been and I think it’s a good demonstration of everything that is currently wrong with my favorite Shahrukh Khan. A quickie film done for no good rhyme or reason except to fill his schedule, extreme budget for what is essentially a “small” subject, a useless sprinkling of star power in the form of sexy actresses to dance in unnecessary song sequences, and hijacking of the publicity from Irfan Khan. Everything SRK could have done wrong with this film, he did. His record as a producer continues to be very spotty.


Caulfield said...

Hahahaha. Princess found some time for RL.

Haven't seen any of the HW films. Though I agree with you on the BW films except for Kurbaan. Kurbaan, I thought was average-above average film. Billu - glad u mentioned - even I hated the film just for one reason - SRK. This is one film I hate to see him in. He should have been there for 10 minutes, but for no reason extended his part to 40 mins, doing songs which though was good, wasn't necessary at all. Agree with Akki films. All of them were BAKWAAS. Haven't seen Tasveer though.

Pardesi said...

Good one princess! Of course I disagree with some of the choices. I liked Kurbaan a lot, thought CCTC had its moments of brilliance, Billu was a decent watch but yes, it could have been so much better! DBH was bakwass but worth it to see Rani! Fortunately I do not see crap HW films, I am so jaded when it comes to them. I do not think I have seen McConoughey in 6 years, if I am on a plane and they show his films I prefer to sleep.

Kunal said...

What was that all about?
What a hater post.
cynicism at its best, just concentrating on bad movies....
What is world coming to???

I demand removal of this post and banning og the author....
BTW Dil bole was a good movie

Pardesi said...

Aaa gaye ji Punjab de Sher, Liye Bhangra Bistar Beer Bater!!!

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