January 14, 2010

My rants: get used to them, there will be more

I am from Delhi, just in case you were buried under a rock for all these years, and like everyone I love my city, though not everything, but most of it anyways. Like I don't like the Delhi attitude of labelling everything South as Madrasi. Come to think of it, theres no Madras anymore, but still for Delhi, anything from Southern India is Madrasi. Once my friend Venki visited me from Kerala, and I introduced him to my Haryanvi friend, Bikaram Singh.
So, Bikram asked Venki "Haan bhai lungi, kathe? kahan ka hai bhai tu?"
Venki said "I am from Kerala, sir"
Bikram "Oh, Madrasi ho?"
Venki "No, sir, Keral, you know, highest literacy rate, land of coconut, palm trees, pongal, Kerala"
Bikram "Oh haan bhai, sambhar dosa, Rajnikaanth, Kamal Hassan, Verappan, Madras"
To this Venki said, "Yes sir, you got it, Madras"
I said "Venki, what are you doing, dude? He is ignorant, you should educate him"
Venki looked at me and said "Jaane de yaar, abhi who will argue this Punjabi"

So, all of us, have this assumption, South, Madras, North, Punjab. And along with this come stereotypes, like we Delhites believe that all South Indians wear lungis, do weird things, have no sense of style, and then you have a complete myth-buster like Rajni romancing Aish

And similarily for Punjabis, we have image of being loud, drunks, perverts, who fight all the time, and then you have Shiney Ahuja.... ok bad example, but still...

Atleast Shiney did one thing, he started a new trend of having affairs with kaamwalis, now after Om Puri also coming out, its like uski gaadi meri gaadi se badi kaise, uska cell mere cell se chhota kaise, aur uska 3 kaamwali ke saath affair, mera 2 ke saath? Even one of my friend got into this, he also started his affair with his maid. One day his maid came, his 7 year old was playing in the room, so he told him to go to balcony and see whats going on, while he started getting close to his maid. So his 7 year old, tinku, went to balcony and started observing the streets
"papa papa, Maruti"
Father "Good beta, good, keep watching the street"
"papa papa, theres one rikshaw coming to the street"
"good beta, good"
"papa papa, Deepu's daddy is kissing their maid"
His father asked while coming out "What? Is he? How you know? Is he standing in the balcony?"
Tinku "No, Deepu is also watching the street, so..... "

So, this is how kids are, and you can't even blame them. While talking with kids, you need to be extra careful, they always come up with some googly at times. like other day I went to my friend's place, I asked his 5 year old son, "Beta, chhotu, so what will you be once you grow up?"
Chhotu said, "I want to be a fighter pilot, just like daddy" I said, "daddy? beta tera dad is like world's biggest wuss. who told you that he is a fighter pilot?"
Chhotu replied "Unlce, you don't know, my dad is a great pilot, he writes on paper planes, throws them in our neighbor's house, and then planes come from that house, and my father catches". Now my friend's wife got real angry "So, this is what happens in my absence? You are busy exchanging love planes with that kalmoohi shilpa?". Now was the turn of Chhotu to speak "no, mummy, daddy doesn't give planes to Shilpa aunty, but Surinder uncle"

Now this is a new tension of parents, pray that their children turn out to be straight, earlier it just used to be about their children being doctors and engineers. Even my parents prayed alot for my engineering, thats the only reason why I got into college, else I don't think I did anything out of the world. And I was very good at it, I was one of the most creative students of my college. I created fundas for my profs, songs for girls, and fake marksheets for my parents. But then they never understood my fundas, if they did, Avatar would have been made in India, After all, what was Avatar? some blue people jumping up and down? we used to do this every year with freshers, but then we got suspended, and JC got billions.

Anyhow, I will end my rants here, more for next time ;)


Caulfield said...

Daaru ke effects. ;)

Pardesi said...

I have to edit Cauli's post - Daaru ke side effects!! Other than that, ROFL dude!!

Doga said...

Looking at the punctuations, doesnt look like Daaru effect, Kunal is like this in normal life only. ;)

Avis said...

"Surinder Uncle" lol

There is a new version of Jism song for Affair with maids -

Jaadoo hai!! barthan hai!! Rassoyi bhi hai!!

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